It's been two months since he's gone away.....and yet it still feels as horrible as it did that day. It still doesn't feel real, i still try to convince myself i just dont see him in the hallway, or that i dont catch him online. it's crazy to miss someone so much... but hey we were all so lucky to know him when we did. "i'm sitting here sad and feeling bad for myself, when i realize i feel bad for the ppl that didn't know him" 

 This all still feels way too new to me. but hey gotta hold our heads up high right? wow what am i kidding i still think about him all the time, and miss him. this is all so hard to do.....

 love you kevin R.I.P babe  love always ur lil sis, Q Bear

we lost someone amazing yesterday. kevin we miss you so much. i haven't wanted to stop and think that he was actually gone, but i walked into a room full of crying people who loved him so much and realized how much i had been missing. kevin and thomas made my freshman year so much easier. i had the most amazing people i had ever met right in front of me. and everything they did for me i dont think i will ever ever forget. last year was the best year of my life. i met some of the ppl i will take with me for ever. i saw cassie today and i know we have never been extremely close but when i saw her i really wanted to attack her with hugs and just cry with her. problem is i was so scared. i didnt think i would b someone she would want hugging her. so cassie if u see this i love ya hun, and it may not mean much but more then ever i want to be your friend.

i actually got some laughs in today. like when kevin would warn all the guys when i had my period and i was in a pissy mood, or the day i was so upset and the next moment i saw kevin running down the street to my house. or the little birthday party they threw for me after lunch one day. i am so blessed.

i still cry about it, in fact i am as im writing this but i think its more cuz i feel so lucky to know i have many ppl who care, and now kevin can look down on all of us and know each and everyone of us loved him.

I cannot forget, Refuse to regret
So glad I met you,

Take my breath away
Make everyday

Worth all of the pain
that I have gone through

and now i've been crying cuz things arent how they used to be...........

we love you kevin, big brother

Hey guys it's been a while since i've been on here! not too much is new here, im kinda bored here! there's so many stupid rumors about me, or just a few ppl who think things, and its the worst thing ever! it kinda makes me wonder why i even bother trying to get people to think im an ok person. just kinda frusterating, so idk wat the hell im doing anymore. havent been feelin my best but i know its still a hell of alot better then it has been in the past, so i think im ok! lol

so anywho idk if anyone ever looks at this anymore, prolly not! but hey guys i miss ya!

 <3 Courtzilla

heeeeeeeeeeey! wo0t it's been a freakin long time and im not sure if anyone reads this anymore! hmm so whats new with me?! homecomming was soooooooo awesome and i was told that "for a white girl u know how to move" it was hilarious and me n lindsey were so pimpin it out with everyone. PLUZ i got a couple dances in with this guy im SORTA into so ya it was cool shit! and if i do say so myself i looked purty damn good. hahaha

so kels and i finally hung out today and it was soooooo fun even tho we talked the whole time i felt so good to talk to her fer once! THANX KELS X 748165418653!!!!!!!

anywho band concert tommrow...o    hell    yes      NOT  hahaha im outta here pplz

<3 courtzilla...ya thats me

Wow i kinda forgot about this, and man i used to love it! hmm so nothing much is really goin on here, my house has been pretty hard to manage cuz ive been gettin into some trouble but hey nobodies perfect i guess. im just kinda stressed but who isnt right now? i gtg teach a dance class and go to my own dance class so im outta here for like 2 hours of working out! wo0t~not! hahah leave me some comments i miss u pplz!

 xoxox courtzilla